I spoke those words, not as a lie but as a wish

you clutched my left foot, hard

right before you came.

i pushed you off me and stormed out of my own house.

that’s what he always did;

i wish he wanted me like you do.

your scent is alluding me,

i can’t remember;

the harder i try the more i realize that i am alone

that i and my senses are alone

and cold

and desperate

‘Into My Arms’ started playing while we were kissing,

but i turned it off.

It was too intense,

for you and I

i’m not quite sure what i’ve gotten myself into,

i’m not quite sure of much these days.

my life is a long line of my regrets, threaded together to form a fraying piece of string.

i ruin things like it’s my job.

i look back at my threadbare life and see all i could have had, but turned away.

all i have ruined, knotted and tied to me; threatening to stretch taunt and pull me under.